Moody, aren't I?

It’s by seeing 3 relantionships with guys my age fail miserably that I believe more each day that maybe I never was cut out to date inside my age group.

I always knew that I fancied older guys, there’s no doubt about it my mind… but I kept thinking it was only a matter of time until I would start to date guys my age… I mean, if what attracts me is masculinity, then surely there are a couple bearded 20something year olds out there for me. Well, guess what… there were, 3 of them to be exact: Ricardo, Michael and João.

Ricardo is probably the one that most damage did to my nervous system. He was the first of these three I met, and frankly… the one I most liked. We started out as friends (as one should by the way) and later grew feelings for one another. Most of them symbolized by 4am making out (fully clothed) in his car outside my house.  Did I mention he drove all the way there from the south bank of the river? Yeah, he was a keeper. :/

Last time I kissed him was in june 31^st 20212 and by august I was totally fallen in love with him, and couldn’t wait until September when we would meet again. That dreadful summer ended and when September came, so did heartbreak: he told me he was super busy with school and could barely make time for me, plus… he kinda made sure that he felt he was not ready for a relantionship, nor would it work with me.

Michael was a rather curious case. I met him online during the same summer mentioned earlier and found out he went to the same school I did, and we didn’t live that far away from each other. I decided to take a chance and meet this 25 year old former colleague of mine. One day we arranged to go to the school do some paperwork and spent the rest of the afternoon talking (he bought me lunch, I thought that was sweet), on the train home he invited me to go to his pool, which I did a couple days later. That day at his house we made out I’d say for the whole afternoon (which is my kinda date btw). Things were looking good and some days later I think I spent the night at his house… and that’s the full story of our 3 day relantionship (lol).

We didn’t speak for 2 days and finally he said: “let’s take it slow”, and I knew then that we wasn’t that into me… that night my chest was pounding and barely slept (nervousness from this stuff occurs far too often to me) but at least I think we’re friends now.

João is the latest but not worst case. We’ve had each other on msn for quite some time and, again, during the summer, I decided to take a shot and ask him on a date finally. Which would be when I would return to Lisbon, we would only had it on the 21^st (soon after me and Michael). This is where my mood changed. I was under the impression when I wrote all this that he would never give me another chance… but we’ve been together again since it. As of now he’s the one guy I think about all the time, and who I wished I was with whenever I’m lonely, or in need, or want a hug or a kiss.

So yeah…. Nevermind :D
I guess we're friends now, it's ok, i'm ok :)